Asano Keigo is Cooler Than You
by die kaiserin
Summary: Ichigo's suddenly taken a job, dating Arisawa and just being utterly suspicious. Keigo would care more but psycho Chizuru's groping Inoue-san again. And that was just hot. Ichigo/Orihime.


**Title:** Asano Keigo is Cooler Than You  
**Rating:** PG-13, for uh, Keigo's mouth  
**Summary:** Ichigo's suddenly taken a job, dating Arisawa and just being utterly suspicious. Keigo would care more but psycho Chizuru's groping Inoue-san again. And that was just hot.  
**Notes:** Written for the **Ichigo x Orihime 2009 White Day Event**, though I was late. I forgot how the Karakura students addressed each other, so I just went with what I think Keigo would call them. The Orihime/Ichigo became a little too much in the background because I couldn't figure out how to keep Keigo an oblivious observer if I made it too obvious. I'm pretty sure I butchered the characterization too. Despite all these, I hope someone finds this entertaining. It was written to entertain, after all. xD

* * *

**Asano Keigo is Cooler Than You**  
by the Green-ish Hue Ranger

* * *

His sister woke him up with a kick to the shin. "Happy Valentine's," she said, throwing a piece from those a-packet-for-a-hundred-yen chocolate candies by his pillow. She closed his door with a bang loud enough to wake the dead, forcing Keigo to wake up earlier than he intended.

"Eat fast, you'll be late," his mother said gently when he sat down for breakfast. She gave him a piece of hand-made chocolate together with his lunch, explicit orders of, "You'll spoil your appetite if you eat before—" following him all the way to the street.

"Happy Valentine's Day, Asano-kun!" Inoue-san said cheerfully, before handing him a small box. Keigo's heart soared to the point that he ignored that black... insect? floating by Inoue-san's head.

"Here you go, Kojima-kun, Sado-kun. Happy Valentine's Day!"

That... really didn't dampen his spirit either! Obligation chocolate from such a pretty girl was definitely worth ten, no, a hundred times more than a lovers chocolate from... uh... someone not Inoue-san! Keigo picked his box tenderly and decided to savor it for when he came home. If he added those two other chocolates he got from two other female classmates, plus his mom's and sister's, he had a record five chocolates this Valentine's.

Senior high rocked!

.x.

"Oi, Mizuiro. How many have you received?"

"...Six."

"Oh." _Dammit!_ "Well, if you don't count family-given ones, how many are yours in total?"

Mizuiro gave him a curious stare. "I never count those anyway. What loser would?"

The urge to break someone's neck rose steadily. _You bastard..._

"I got five this year. I guess I gotta save more for White Day," he said instead.

"So you normally receive less than that?"

Keigo had this really excellent image where someone of Mizuiro's height, weight, build and physical characteristics suddenly flew right over the fence surrounding the school rooftop but the bell rang before he could successfully imagine someone-not-Mizuiro's bloody and battered body on the school yard below.

It was still quite a satisfying image though.

.x.

On the last Saturday of February, school let out early. Keigo had time to kill and Mizuiro mentioned something about having a bit of money to spend. Chad said... well, he didn't say much but he looked okay with the idea and Ichigo—

"I can't. I gotta get to work."

"Oh," Keigo said. "All right."

And then:

"WHEN DID YOU START WORKING, you bastard?" Clinging over the scowling Ichigo's back, Keigo made sure to position his mouth near Ichigo's ear before shouting, "Tell me these things, Ichigooooo! Why'd you work without telling us? We could have done it together!"

Mizuiro coughed.

"Okay," Keigo amended. "Maybe not **together**, but it's the thought that counts! You're so secretive lately. Are you, like, in debt or something? Your whole Yakuza-feel would make sense if I think about you—"

Ichigo's hand met with the back of Keigo's head. Keigo's almost sure it was an accident, but one can never be sure these days.

"The earlier I start, the earlier I finish," Ichigo said gruffly. "If you guys are still free by eight, I'll meet you at the arcade or something."

"ALL RIG—"

"It's okay, Ichigo," Mizuiro said. "You'll most likely be tired by then, right? We can go tomorrow instead. Chad?"

"It's fine with me."

Keigo almost sulked but Ichigo looked too obviously relieved.

"Tomorrow, all right? Tomorrow, Ichigo!" he shouted to Ichigo's retreating back. They watched him wave back without looking, turning a bend and disappearing from view. "Why'd he suddenly get a job anyway?" he asked the remaining two.

"Dunno," said Mizuiro.

"I haven't asked," said Chad.

"Sooo suspicious. Are we sure it's a job he's going to?" He started the usual walk home when he remembered to ask," So where does he work?"

The three of them looked at each other blankly.

Mizuiro shrugged.

Chad might have blinked, but his hair was in the way.

.x.

"How does wasabi on red bean paste taste?"

—was how Ichigo greeted him that lovely Saturday morning.

Keigo looked around. He looked at Chad who was standing near the frowning, in-deep-thought Ichigo, then at Mizuiro who had been with him before having met with the former two. Mizuiro blinked like he's trying to decide whether he heard Ichigo correctly and Keigo was just thinking, _Well, someone woke up on the weird side of the bed this morning_.

"Spicy, probably." Chad, for some bizarre, unearthly reason, looked like he understood such an unusual question. "I think the wasabi would overpower everything else."

"Yeaaaah," Keigo answered, because—really—what else was there to say? "What Chad said."

"Good morning, Kurosaki-kun, Asano-kun, Sado-kun, Kojima-kun!" Inoue-san greeted them cheerfully, slowing down to match their languid pace. "Uhm... how are you this morning?"

Ichigo's frowning, contemplative look disappeared. His eyes focused on Inoue-san and... well, Keigo might have imagined it because it was really early and his sister might have knocked him awake harder than she originally meant to but... well. Ichigo actually looked relaxed there for a bit. No frown or scowl or anything. Even the furrow on his eyebrows disappeared.

"Inoue... morning."

And then Keigo died of shock. Because Ichigo actually looked like he's smiling or something. And not those dreadfully fake ones either!

He would have totally asked about it too, but then that psycho Honsho appeared and started groping Inoue-san from the back. And that was just hot.

.x.

Monday was dreadful. Keigo forgot this really big assignment for fourth period that they'd apparently been assigned three weeks prior. Then Mizuiro got a call from a woman who'd most likely be charged with statutory rape for some of the things she was saying over the phone to a high school student obviously way younger than her and Mizuiro just stood there without a blush or wince while Keigo was dying of embarrassment and envy. Then psycho bitch Honsho kicked him on the back for apparently standing too close to Inoue-san when he totally wasn't! (She'd just smelled so nice that day and he wanted to keep smelling it! It was out of his control!)

And when the day ended and he thought he'd finally be free of this insanity, Keigo saw something that made him really afraid he was losing his mind.

Because Ichigo and Arisawa looked for all the world like they were dating that fine Monday afternoon. And that was just weird, okay?

(So, naturally, Keigo hid behind the nearest blockage and started following them discreetly.)

First, they entered a shop for plush toys. Which was—okay—weird, because Arisawa didn't really look the part but hey. Books and covers and no judging, right?

They came out fighting. "What kinda idiot chooses something like that?" Arisawa was saying, voice loud and irate enough for Keigo to hear.

"Yeah, well, if you..." Ichigo replied but he was grumbling his words and Keigo couldn't risk going nearer. "Stupid, if you ask me."

"No one's asking, moron! Just get it right or I'll castrate you!"

They went to a specialty shop next, one specializing in robot figures; then to a shop that sold a variety of colorful and unique skirts; that cafe that Inoue-san and Arisawa was talking about just last week—("Orihime really liked the cheesecake here," Arisawa was saying around a mouthful); a shop known for their white chocolate.

Keigo kinda got tired by that time. Arisawa had punched Ichigo on the arm a total of sixteen times, smacked the back of his head seven times, kicked his shin twice and threatened bodily harm a total of forty-two times. It was quite an interesting date, really.

Ichigo was gonna die young but if he was happy, who was Keigo to get in the way of that?

.x.

On Wednesday, Keigo finally figured that it was the mention of "Arisawa" and "date" in the same sentence that kept pissing Ichigo off all of yesterday, so he shut up about it (except when Arisawa was around; then he hinted in what he knew was an irritatingly obvious manner, enough that Inoue-san worried for his constantly winking eye). If he had such a scary girl friend, he figured he'd be pretty whipped too.

Ten minutes into Lunch, Arisawa found him, cornered him inside one of the empty classrooms and they talked civilly about the weather and the price of tea in China. And also about her supposed date and relationship with Ichigo.

"Asano-kun, what happened to your face?" Inoue-san asked worriedly two periods after Lunch, when Keigo was awake enough to go back to class.

"Oh, you know." Keigo laughed nervously. "I smacked myself on the door."

Arisawa smiled at him from behind Inoue-san, voicing her wish for his fast recovery.

.x.

"Have you seen an alien yet, Asano-kun?" Inoue-san was saying. Personally, Keigo thought that was pretty weird, but she was pretty enough to pull it off, so he listened carefully.

"Sorry, no aliens here yet, Inoue-san."

She pouted which was really cute and if he wasn't afraid for his hypothetical children (Honsho was around), he would have definitely vocalized that. "Oh, that's too bad. I couldn't focus last month because of Valentine's, but since tomorrow's White Day, I can spend my time today on the hunt. I wonder if Yoruichi-san's busy..."

So, so cute...

Wait, huh? White Day?

"Craaaaaaap!"

"Bathroom's that way," Ichigo said, which was totally not funny.

"I forgot about tomorrow! My sister's gonna kill me!" Mizuho only ever gave bald men chocolate for free. The rest of the male population (un)fortunate enough to get something from her were compelled by self-preservation to give something back. "I gotta get her something at least five times more expensive. And I didn't even remember to saaaaave!"

Mizuiro said, "She gave you those 100-yen chocolates, right? A piece costs about 300, so just give her those nice-looking cheap ones."

"Well, actually, she gave me one piece of those choco-candies, which is about 5-10 yen."

"Here, then," said Mizuiro, flipping a coin his way. "50 yen. Five times more expensive."

Keigo almost threw the coin back in anger, except that was free money so he didn't. "Do you want me to die? You think she'll be thankful for the effort? She's not an 'It's the thought that counts' person!"

Chad looked like he was gonna say something really helpful so Keigo stopped and focused intensely on him. Except all Chad did was reach into his pocket and gave him a 100 yen.

"You guys are really horrible friends," Keigo lamented. Then he turned to smile at Chad: "But thanks for the coin, Chad. Ichigooooo!"

"I don't have the money to spare," was the reply he got.

"What the hell! You were working all month!"

"I was saving for something."

"Then spend a little less and give me some!"

Ichigo sighed—actually sighed! "I can't. I already calculated the costs against my savings and I can't spare any."

And Keigo... well, he just couldn't believe Ichigo was being all mathematical on him during this urgent time of need. "You couldn't share a hundred or something?"

"I'll come with you to buy stuff if you want. But I can't share my money."

With the help of Ichigo's careful budgeting (and a little Mizuiro-exhortion since his wallet weighed the heaviest), Keigo managed to buy a pretty-enough looking chocolate for his sister, a carefully-chosen one for his mom—("Spend more for your mother, you bastard," Ichigo told him in this really frustrated tone and Keigo did just that after a moment of shame, carefully not mentioning anything about Ichigo's lack thereof)—and a nice-looking one for Inoue-san.

"You gimped on your mom's chocolate to return an obligation-choco?"

"Those are important," Keigo argued. "And this is for a classmate."

"I thought you got a total of five?"

"Uh... there are reasons for being unable to return those. Like, you know, money. And stuff."

Keigo wanted to leave right after, but Ichigo was apparently buying his own stuff too. Two identical chocolates of a dark brown and a bright yellow color was first. About five small, identical boxed chocolates with a short red bow—("You bastard! How many chocolates did you receive!" Keigo shouted directly by Ichigo's ear, protesting against the unfairness of it all)—several boxes of red bean paste and those to-heat sweet potatoes. He bought a box of cheesecake from the cafe he had that date with Arisawa with before they went off to buy some white chocolate powder from the market.

"You gonna bake or something?" Keigo asked while he watched Ichigo read the instructions on the back.

"Not sure..." Ichigo said.

"Arisawa a fan of white choco?"

"Dunno. Don't care."

"That's harsh, man."

In the end, they ended up buying it. Two boxes. "I don't want to go back here if I mess up," was Ichigo's explanation when Keigo pointed it out.

Cheesecake and chocolates. That was just so obvious. "You planning something with Arisawa for tomorrow?" Keigo asked with a sly smirk.

Ichigo gave him an exasperated look before shaking his head. "You need to get over that insane idea, man. You're seriously freaking me out."

Not that Keigo cared for his lies, but he shut up all the same. Arisawa had one mean left hook, after all. And Keigo's pretty fond of his recently-healed face.

.x.

His sister looked at him funny from the time he entered the room until he handed the chocolate over. "Who'd you steal from?" she asked but she was smiling as she accepted.

Admittedly, it was a pretty scary sight. Keigo kept that thought to himself in a bout of self-preservation.

He blushed when his mother praised his choice of gift, and Keigo felt that twinge of guilt again for ever thinking of foregoing a gift for her at all.

"T-thank you!" Inoue-san stuttered when he gave her his box of chocolates. She turned the box over and over before smiling at him. "I didn't think anyone would give me something today," she admitted.

Which, for some bizarre reason, everyone considered as the cue to give her their own assortment of gifts.

"Our love transcends boundaries, Hime," psycho bitch said in this really throaty, hoarse voice. "A sweet thing like you deserves the best of sweets."

Keigo wanted to gag.

"Thanks for the Valentine-choco," most of the guys said, and Keigo watched peripherally as everyone else gave a gift to whoever they bought for.

"So it was Inoue, huh?" Keigo turned as Ichigo sat on the vacant chair beside him. "You shoulda bought something nicer."

"If someone—emphasis on _someone_—had just lent me money, I would've." Ichigo frowned. Keigo considered that his win and asked, "Gave your gifts to your lovely (scary) girl friend yet?"

"There is no girl friend, you asshole."

"That was a lot of money for a non-girl friend."

And here's the thing: Keigo didn't do well in academics, but he was far from stupid. And even a stupid blind moron would figure out the meaning of that lovely (blackmail material) redness on Ichigo's cheeks.

"It's not like that," Ichigo said in a near-whisper. "It's just thanks because I'm always ending her up in nasty shit all the time. And she doesn't get mad or anything. There should be a limit to patience and... And she doesn't really deserve..."

Keigo... wasn't really sure what to say. This was the first time someone he was really close with had looked so hopelessly... And what do you tell someone who speaks like that while having _that_ look on their face anyway?

"...I'm sure she'll appreciate it," Keigo said, uncomfortably aware of how trite that sounded. He looked around the chatting, lively faces in the room and decided the best course of action was to be supportive. Slapping Ichigo hard on the back, he said, "Wow, there must be some side to Arisawa she never shows anyone else, huh? For you to look like that thinking about her."

Ichigo looked confused. Then murderous. "You are a complete moron."

Keigo laughed and laughed until his throat hurt. Trust Ichigo to blame him for his weird-ass choice in girl friends.

.x.

**Omake:**  
Then, as Keigo was going home, he'll notice Ichigo talking to Inoue-san (except, curiously, his face is turned to her left and she's firmly looking at his shoes) before handing her some familiar-looking stuff. Inoue-san's face will turn bright red. Ichigo, noticing this, will turn bright red too. They'll talk for a bit, Inoue-san smiling like she couldn't believe something. Then Ichigo's face will have this similar look, the look he had in the classroom while thinking about Arisawa and Keigo will finally FIGURE IT OUT and curse Ichigo to hell and back. Of all the people in the world, it just had to be Inoue-san! Ichigo, you bastaaaaard!

The end.

(I'm sorry, Keigo. But that's just the way it was supposed to be.)

* * *

**08 May 2010:**  
Edited because FFNet killed the formatting. I don't think I've expressly said it either but, hopefully, it was obvious that this was a companion piece for **The Arrow That Pierces the Heart**. It's okay if it's not obvious though; that's my fault and not anyone else's. Thank you for all the reviews, People-Who-Reviewed. I'm glad that people who found this entertaining exists. Gave me an awesome feeling. ^_^

(02142009 . 1472 words)


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